In the beginning it was very hard and I was just anticipating a horrible, depressing summer. Finally I came to the point where I just gave the entire thing up to God, asking him to make it clear to me what He had for me, to give me peace, to help me not be lonely, to make me certain that Jon and I were either meant to be together or we weren't, and to help me be at peace with either one. And He did ALL of those things. That summer I worked two jobs, began running and biking and getting back in shape, He brought other people into my life when I needed them. I was genuinely happy with myself. After that summer it was so clear to me that God was real, that he does hear us, he does care for us, he does love us.
Faith
Faith and Christianity have always been a big part of my life. I grew up in a home where both of my parents were Christians and the only excuse for missing church was a violent sickness. Around age 12 my dad became the pastor of the church we attended. I spent every Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday morning and Sunday night at church. All of my best friends were from church. I was your petty stereotypical church kid. Since I never really had that moment where I kind of hit rock bottom and have nowhere to turn but to God, there came a point where I had to decide whether my faith was my own or if I just went along with it because my parents did. For me, that time was the summer before my senior year of college. I came home for the summer, all of my friends from home didn't come back that summer, any friends I had that still lived there weren't really my friends anymore and my boyfriend (now husband) was away almost the entire summer at Officer Candidate School for the Marine Corps. I was the kind of person that always depended on other people for everything, for my happiness, my fulfillment, my self-worth. That summer I felt utterly alone. For the first part of his training Jon couldn't have any contact with me besides the occasional letter, when he had time. On top of that we had kind of left of in the "we'll see how it goes" state. I wasn't sure if I could handle military life so the summer apart was kind of a test of our relationship.
In the beginning it was very hard and I was just anticipating a horrible, depressing summer. Finally I came to the point where I just gave the entire thing up to God, asking him to make it clear to me what He had for me, to give me peace, to help me not be lonely, to make me certain that Jon and I were either meant to be together or we weren't, and to help me be at peace with either one. And He did ALL of those things. That summer I worked two jobs, began running and biking and getting back in shape, He brought other people into my life when I needed them. I was genuinely happy with myself. After that summer it was so clear to me that God was real, that he does hear us, he does care for us, he does love us.
In the beginning it was very hard and I was just anticipating a horrible, depressing summer. Finally I came to the point where I just gave the entire thing up to God, asking him to make it clear to me what He had for me, to give me peace, to help me not be lonely, to make me certain that Jon and I were either meant to be together or we weren't, and to help me be at peace with either one. And He did ALL of those things. That summer I worked two jobs, began running and biking and getting back in shape, He brought other people into my life when I needed them. I was genuinely happy with myself. After that summer it was so clear to me that God was real, that he does hear us, he does care for us, he does love us.
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This is so wonderful and beautiful!
ReplyDeleteI just went through and read all your pages and it looks like you've been a busy little bee! I'm having fun watching your blog grow, my little protege ;)