Suddenly these past two weeks my mind has been flooded with things to blog about, but the computer didn't want to cooperate. Good blog-spiration comes so rarely that it has been nearly torturous having all these things to say and not being able to! But finally, the powers of the cyber universe have decided to cooperate. Now I must decide what to blog about!
I suppose an update should be made about my previous dilemma. Due to near heat stroke my fiance got dropped from the Infantry Officer Course and is back on track for flight school. He's in Florida now in our apartment waiting for me to get there! Though it honestly is kind of annoying that we had to go through all that stress and fear for nothing, we both know that God did it to show us how much we need to trust him and how much we've been neglecting to search out His will before our own. And also to show us how much we really can withstand together. The wedding is quickly approaching and we're sooo excited! Ahh! Can't wait!
So along with the wedding just around the corner [12 days around the corner actually] a lot of things are changing very quickly. I've been working at Youth Advocate Programs, Inc for the past five months. I work with at-risk 12-17 year olds who are involved in all kinds of crazy things that I didn't even know existed when I was their age. I was hired as a paid intern and honestly was terrified of the job. I had zero experience with kids like this. I really desperately wanted to make a difference in their lives, but just had no idea how effective I would be. I told my boss from the start that I could only work until October. After a few months I figured I'd be more than ready to go by the time October got here.
At my interview I did horrible, I was surprised I got the job. My boss straight up told me I did terrible at the interview. Talk about ruining my confidence. So I've been working the past five months not really knowing how well I was doing and doubting myself and my work. Last Friday had my exit interview. My boss told me that he was so very impressed with my work and what I've been doing with the kids and that they definitely didn't expect enough from me when I was hired. He said that if I had not been planning to leave in October I would have been offered a position as an Intensive Family Coordinator [basically the next step up the ladder], which is a big deal because most people who get the job have to apply for it, it's not generally just offered to someone. He told me that if I ever move back I will always have a job there waiting for me and that if I ever need a reference or help getting a job at another branch of YAP to give him a call because he has nothing but amazing things to say about me. Wow. Definitely a confidence boost!
So while that was great to hear, it made me sad. I've spent all this time doubting myself and my effectiveness so much so that I couldn't wait to be done with the job so that I wouldn't have to worry about whether or not I was doing what was expected of me. And now I find out that I've really stood out and been doing amazing. After hearing that I feel like I could do so much more for these kids and really empowered. Not to mention I had just started developing a really good relationship with my toughest client. That day was hard, so full of emotion. I was sad to be leaving, but relieved to be getting away from the stress of the job. I was disappointed that I didn't get to experience being promoted and holding an actual full-time adult job, disappointed that I wouldn't have that to put on my resume. I was proud that my boss was so impressed with me, proud that I had done something that made a difference. And I was mad. Mad that my fiance's job was making me leave mine. Scared that I would never be able to have a job I really loved because I would always have to leave it. Afraid that I would always blame my fiance for that. Eventually I realized that was unfair, as I chose this just as much as he did.
Today was my last day. I had to turn in my office key, my ID, my first aid kit. I passed on my uber organized binder of transport papers in alphabetical order. I had only worked there five months and honestly didn't know many of my coworkers that well, but it was hard to leave. I guess working in that kind of environment with that kind of stress bonds you to people who understand. In this line of work confidentiality is such a big deal that the only people you can really talk to about what's going on is other people that you work with. YAP is like a big family, we all look out for and take care of each other...and keep each other sane. And then having to say good bye to my clients...I've spent more time with them in the last five months than I have with my own family. I spend 7.5 - 10 hours a week with them. That's a lot of time. I actually haven't officially said good bye to two of them yet. I have to go with their new advocate to introduce her in about an hour. Not looking forward to it.
A very bittersweet day. Now I'm getting all anxious with wedding stuff. 12 days, ahh!
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